


Confessions

by Megara09



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:05:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7817206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megara09/pseuds/Megara09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from tumblr: Destiel. Cas and Dean are friends who are turning to best friends, but Cas is falling slowly in love with Dean. He confronts his friend but Dean says he doesn't feel the same. You take it from there, but please a fluffy and happy ending.</p>
<p>When Dean Winchester finally returns home after two years away, Castiel has a confession to tell him. Love is a bumpy road.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wibblywobblydemonydeducythings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wibblywobblydemonydeducythings/gifts).



> For my dearest friend Luce! Love you bunches, sweetie!

Castiel Novak could barely contain his excitement. His friend, Dean Winchester, was coming home! After spending two years at his uncle’s to finish high school, Dean was finally coming home to Lebanon. The small Kansas city just hadn't felt the same without him. 

While the two had been near inseparable for most of their lives, the last two years had been torture. Limited to sparse emails and the occasional text when Dean could borrow a classmate’s cellphone, Cas had missed his friend terribly. 

The small flutter in his chest spoke of a deeper joy at seeing the other boy. As hard as Cas had tried, it seemed that the childhood crush he'd been cursing for the past six years had no intentions of leaving. Cas knew it was hopeless; he knew that Dean liked girls, had never turned his eye to the same sex. But Castiel still held out a small flicker of hope that one day… One day Dean would see. 

Until then, Cas would be the best friend that he could be. Supportive, caring, always there when Dean needed him. There was nothing that Cas wouldn't do. 

With these thoughts swirling in his mind, Cas set out to make Dean’s return to Lebanon a wonderful thing. He begged his dad to let the boys have free reign of the basement, since they were now, technically, adults. Dean’s 18th birthday had come and gone, with Cas’ having just occurred a few weeks prior. After much hemming and hawing, the elder Novak finally grinned and told Cas to have at it. 

For two days, Cas had been decorating. Nothing big, just little touches that he hoped Dean would notice. A few pictures from their childhood, some memorabilia from adventures they'd taken together. All of it topped off by a hand drawn banner that read  _ WELCOME HOME DEAN.  _

Cas took a look around the basement and felt his chest fill with contentment. He could only hope that Dean would like it, too. 

The next day, Cas was jittery with anticipation. He didn't know when Dean would be arriving, only that it would be sometime that day. As the hours ticked by, Cas felt that anticipation turn to despondency. He sat on the front steps that afternoon, watching the sun trek downwards in the sky. A few miles away, he heard what sounded like a redneck’s truck, revving loudly and echoing through the air. 

_ “Wonder what he’s compensating for?” _ he asked himself, only mostly joking. A few minutes later, he heard that same engine roaring down the road that led to his house. “What the hell?” he questioned aloud. 

Finally, a huge black muscle car broke through the trees and into his view. As it came closer, he began to recognize the driver. When Dean Winchester rolled to a stop in front of the Novak home, Cas scowled at him. “You assbutt. I've been waiting all day!”

Dean laughed, the sound going straight to Cas’ belly and stirring up all kinds of butterflies. “Sorry, Cas. Traffic on the freeway was awful.”

Cas stared at Dean for a few awkward moments before they both grinned. “Get your sorry ass over here,” Cas demanded, pulling Dean in for a hug as he came within reach. The contact was over all too soon, though Cas caught a hint of a blush on Dean’s cheeks as he turned away. After a minute of rummaging in the backseat, Dean turned back and held out a decent sized box with Castiel’s name written across it. 

“What is this?” he asked Dean. 

Dean shrugged. “Just some stuff I picked up over the last two years. Thought you'd like it.”

Flabbergasted, Cas stared until Dean blushed again. “Dude, just take it. It's no big deal.”

Clearing his throat, Cas jumped forward to grab the box. “Uh, thanks, Dean. You wanna come in? Dad said we could have the basement to ourselves.”

Dean grinned. “Awesome! I even have some beer if you're interested.”

“Sure,” Cas said, somewhat wary. He'd never been drunk, so he didn't know how he would react to the alcohol. 

“Great! Lemme grab this...other….bag. Aha!” Dean’s triumphant cry came after a short struggle. Bag in hand, he followed Cas into the house and down the stairs to the large basement. As he looked around, Cas felt his heart drop when Dean said nothing. 

With a silent sigh, Cas moved to put the box Dean had given him on a table to the side. He would open it later after Dean left and couldn't see his reactions. Grabbing the remote, the darker-headed boy turned on the tv and flopped onto the couch. 

Dean wasn't far behind, carrying the promised beer. As the two got settled on the couch and started watching a random comedy show, Dean popped the top on the first can and handed it to Cas. 

“Here, dude. Try this. My uncle has a brewery that he runs when he's not working on cars. He made this.”

Cas gingerly took the can, hazarding a small sip. A sound of surprise escaped his throat as the liquid splashed across his taste buds. “Dean, this is delicious!” Another, longer drink followed the first. 

“Slow down, Cas. Don't want you getting drunk off one beer.” Dean laughed the words, cracking his own beer and taking a swig. “Uncle Bobby does brew a mean beer. He was teaching me there towards the end of the school year, but I couldn't actually touch anything because I'm still underage.”

Reminded of Dean’s long absence, Cas looked down at his hands, fiddling with the can. “Did you miss m-  _ us _ ? Being gone so long, I mean.” Wincing at his slip, he covered his ass by bringing up the duo’s group of friends from school.

“Of course I missed you guys. Nobody in South Dakota came close to comparing to our motley crew.”

Cas forced a smile and turned his attention back to the tv. For a long time, they sat in silence. Finally, Dean broke that silence.

“I missed you, too, you know.”

Cas’ head jerked around to look at his friend, but Dean was still facing the tv. “You did?” he asked quietly.

“Of course I did, Cas. You’re my best friend.”

Disheartened once more, Cas simply nodded and said, “You’re my best friend, too, Dean.”

The air considerably cleared, the two sat and drank and bullshitted until late into the night. The small case of beer gone, both boys were well on their way to being drunk - Cas more so than Dean. It was, perhaps, what gave Cas the courage to blurt out his confession.

“Dean, I - I like you!” he said in a rush.

His brain fogged with alcohol, it took Dean a moment to register what Cas had said. “W-what?”

Cas looked up, and his earnest blue eyes met Dean’s confused ones. “I  _ like  _ you, Dean. I have for a long time, but I… I didn’t want to say anything - I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

Dean was suddenly angry. “Then why did you say anything now?”

Before Cas could answer, Dean’s phone went off. He quickly read whatever it was, his gaze softening slightly. When Dean continued to stare at the screen, Cas asked softly, “Who is it?”

Clearing his throat, his face back to its usual stern expression, Dean said gruffly, “My girlfriend.”

Cas felt his heart break into two. “O-oh.”

“Yeah,” Dean said awkwardly. He shuffled around for a moment before he sighed. “Look, Cas. I’m gonna go home. Can we just… Can we forget about this?”

Trying his very best not to cry, Cas nodded. “Sure, Dean,” he said in a very quiet voice. 

No more words were spoken. Dean gathered his things and left, a wave over his shoulder as his only goodbye. Cas made his way to his room in a haze, collapsing on his bed. The tears he had fought back only minutes before were nowhere to be found.

Only numbness.

* * *

 

Weeks passed by. True to his word, Cas never brought up that almost-drunken night - though he was never quite able to forget it. In that span of time, Dean and his girlfriend - a girl from South Dakota named Lisa - had broken up and gotten back together multiple times. 

Cas was in his bedroom, trying to finish his applications for the nearest community college, when Dean burst into the room. His chest was heaving, his eyes burned with a righteous fury, but Cas could see the sheen that spoke of unshed tears.

“Dean, what is it?” he asked immediately, moving his things to the side and giving his friend his full attention.

“Lisa’s pregnant!” Dean exploded.

Cas choked. But how-? Dean had been away from Lisa for nearly two months, so how could she be…

Cas’ eyes widened with realization. “Oh, shit. She cheated on you?”

“She swears it’s mine, but I just can’t believe her, Cas. We had sex once, four months ago. She would have known before I even left! It can’t be mine, not with that timeline. She said she just found out today.”

Brow furrowing in thought, Cas tried to bring back any memories of high school biology he could remember. “It’s sort of possible if she just didn’t notice the signs? But I would definitely ask for a DNA test if you’re certain it’s not yours. Or just ask her how far along she is?”

“But she could try and lie about it! Cas, I’m so scared. I’m too young to be a dad.”

The sheen Cas had noticed a few moments ago was quickly growing into actual tears. One slipped down Dean’s cheek, but was hurriedly wiped away. Cas felt his heart melt at the sight. “Dean, come sit down before you wear a hole in my floor.”

With a chuffed laugh, Dean did as Cas bade him. Making sure to keep his touch light and as clinical as he could, Cas wrapped an arm around Dean and said, “It’s going to be okay, Dean. We can figure this out. I know! Ask her for an ultrasound picture! It usually has the gestation approximation at the top.”

Dean breathed in deeply, leaning slightly into Cas as he closed his eyes. “That’s a good idea. Thanks, man. I just don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Cas didn’t know that his heart could break and melt at the same time. Dean’s words did that, though. He cared for Cas, just not the way Cas would have liked. Determined to at least make the most of the bond they did share, Cas tried to smile and joke. “You’d still be in middle school, trying to figured out the quadratic formula.”

Dean laughed and nodded. “You’re probably right!”

Cas breathed a sigh of relief. Things were going to be okay.

* * *

 

A few weeks later, Cas found Dean sitting on the front steps of the Novak home. “What’s up?” he asked, flopping down beside his friend.

“Lisa came clean. Said she had gotten drunk at a bar that doesn’t check IDs, went home with some biker she can’t even remember the name of. She was crying, said she wanted so badly for the baby to be mine, to take it all back. I hung up on her.”

“Shit, Dean. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I mean, I kinda knew she’d cheated since I was pretty sure the baby wasn’t mine. Still sucks to actually hear about it.”

“At least she told you the truth? She didn’t try to make you raise a baby that wasn’t yours.”

Dean sighed. “The bitch of it is, I would have loved that kid. Took me a few days to think about it, but I would have been a great dad.”

“I know you would, Dean. And you will be, one day.” Cas bit his tongue, wishing that they could be dads together, in some utopian future where they were together and adopted a baby.

“Anyways. Just wanted to tell you the latest. I gotta run - Sammy’s getting home from camp today and I gotta pick him up from the bus station.”

“Okay. Thanks for the update. Be careful!” 

Laughing, Dean said, “Of course, worrywart.”

Cas watched him go, feeling his heart go with the other boy. With a sigh, he trudged inside. He knew that things with Dean were never going to work out the way he wanted, but he just couldn’t help but wish with all his heart that they would. 

But despite his own feelings, Cas would continue to be there for Dean, in whatever way Dean needed him.

* * *

 

The summer flew by. The two boys fell back into the groove that had been interrupted by Dean’s forced move to South Dakota, spending every day together and even most nights. The basement had become their general area to hangout, sometimes accompanied by Sammy, or even by their old group of friends. But things couldn’t be so perfect forever. Cas was just unlucky like that. 

One night, the two were watching a movie that had recently come out on DVD - some superhero movie that neither were following too closely. Dean was continuously getting text messages, which he was surreptitiously reply to before halfheartedly returning his attention to the movie. Cas was mostly just trying not to fall asleep. 

A text alert came once more, startling Cas out a doze. “Dude, who are you texting so much?” he grumbled.

“My, ah, my friend Benny, from South Dakota. We met at school.” The answer was clipped, but Cas was too groggy to notice.

Not even a minute later, the phone went off again. “Deeean,” he whined. “Make it stop!”

“Sorry, buddy. He’s bored and just wants to talk.”

Cas huffed and folded his arms tighter across his chest, tucking his head down and closing his eyes. A series of alerts had him slitting his eyes in a glare toward the phone in Dean’s hand. Except…

“Is that a dick?” Cas asked, slightly more awake.

“What? No!” Dean tried to deny the accusation, but Cas quickly reached over and jerked the phone away from the other boy’s suddenly numb fingers. 

Cas felt as though ice had been dumped over his head. “Oh, I see. It’s not that you don’t like guys. You just don’t like _ me.”  _ It was obvious, now. Seeing multiple flirty texts between the two, as well as the winking emoji beside Benny’s name at the top of the messages, Cas was certain that they were more than friends. He handed the phone back and said tightly, “I think you should leave.”

“But, Cas-”

“I said leave!” Cas would  _ not _ cry in front of Dean. He wouldn’t allow the ass that satisfaction. He didn’t give Dean the chance to leave first, instead jumping up and heading to his bedroom. Slamming and locking the door did little to shut out the pain and betrayal he felt. His chest aching with the knowledge that there was obviously something wrong with him, Cas curled up into a ball on his bed and let the tears fall. Silent sobs wracked his body, wearing him out quickly. 

Within ten minutes, Cas had fallen into a fitful, exhausted sleep. 

When he woke the next morning, a note had been shoved under his door.

_ I’m sorry - D _

Cas crumpled the note and angrily threw it away, determined to ignore his former best friend’s attempts at making things better. There was nothing Dean could do or say to make this better. This wasn’t a broken toy. Dean had deliberately hidden things from Cas, had let him believe that it was his own sexual orientation that was an impenetrable wall between them. 

Before Cas could work himself up too much, he arrived downstairs to find his dad in a terrycloth bathrobe, sipping on a cup of coffee. Chuck glanced up at his son but made no comment on his appearance. Instead, he gently pushed a large envelope toward the younger Novak. “This came for you today.”

Cas looked at the sender, feeling his heart stutter when he saw that it was name of the college he had applied to weeks before. With shaking hands, he tore open the paper and quickly read the cover letter. “Dad, I… I got in. I got in!”

Chuck grinned. “Of course you did. You’re a smart kid, Castiel. You could go anywhere you set your mind to.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Cas said quietly, a blush dusting his cheeks at the praise. 

His father’s words had Cas thinking hard for the rest of the day. He had made very good grades in school, had come out as salutatorian in their graduating class - surpassed only by his cousin, Anna Milton, who quite literally was a genius. The recent clarification of how Dean felt about things pushed his decision further along. 

That night, he sat down to supper with Chuck and said confidently, “Dad, I’m moving to California.”

Chuck choked on his food and sat coughing for a minute before finally catching his breath and turning to Cas with wide eyes. “I thought you were going to North Central?”

“What you said, Dad, about how I could go anywhere if I set to it. I think it would open a lot of avenues for my future to go to a larger school.”

“Cas, that’s...a rather well-thought out argument. I’m proud of you for being so pragmatic. If that’s what you want, I’ll help you start looking around.”

“Thanks, Dad, but I’ve already put in my application to Stanford and a backup to UC Berkeley. They both have excellent programs for anything I could want to study, both are academically sound, and they’re both very highly spoken of.”

“You’re really thought about this, haven’t you, son? Well, I’ll support you in any way I can.” Chuck shook his head. “My kid, going to Stanford. I never thought I could be any more proud of you than I already was.”

“Daaaad,” Cas whined. 

“Fine, fine. Eat your supper.”

The father and son smiled at each before turning their attention to their food. 

* * *

“Cas! Cas, wait!”

Castiel turned and tried to find the person calling his name. As he searched the crowded streets, a hand emerged above the faces, followed by a head as the person jumped.

“Gabriel?”

Another of his cousins, Gabriel was a jokester, and sort of an asshole if you didn’t know him well. He liked to pick on people, to the point of hurting feelings. Cas was mostly used to it by now. 

“Mom...just...told me….you’re leaving?” The question was interspersed with gasps for breath.

“Yeah? I’m moving to California to go to college,” Cas said, turning back around to continue his trek to the store. 

“But why? Why are you going to leave me here with them, by myself?” Gabriel lamented, wishing he’d had the forethought to move away as well.

“I need to get away,” Cas said quietly.

Gabriel perked up at the hint of intrigue. His expression turned sly. “What happened, Cassie? Tell dearest cousin Gabriel why you’re running away.”

Cas sighed, knowing that Gabriel would never let this go. “I...told Dean how I felt about him. He said we should just forget that conversation ever happened, but then I found out he’s been flirting with some guy from South Dakota! The guy sent him a dick pic, Gabriel, and he sent back  _ nice _ . So apparently it’s not guys he doesn’t like, just me,” he finished despondently. 

“Dude. You’re in a shitty situation. I don’t blame you for wanting to leave. But is it really what you want? If you just want to avoid him, I’m sure you could do that from North. You’ve apparently been doing a bang-up job of it so far.”

Cas pinned his cousin with a hard gaze. “What do you know?” he asked, deadly serious.

Gabriel’s hand went up in a defensive manner. “Just what Sam’s told me. Dean’s been in a shit mood lately, not talking to anyone and growling anytime your name is brought up.”

“Why are you talking to Sam?” Cas questioned.

“We’re uh...we’re dating?” At Cas’ baleful look, Gabriel grinned sheepishly. “We met at one of those stupid camps my mom is forever sending me to. We hit it off and there you go. Enough about me, back to you. Is California truly what you want?”

“No,” Cas said quietly. “But I can’t have what I want. And I can’t be here, looking at all the places where we have memories together, always wishing for more.”

“Well, shit. You bear a good point. I’d ask you to take me with you, but I don’t want to leave anymore. How crazy is that?”

“If you’re simply going to rub it in my face, please stop talking.” Cas jerked open the door the store with a bit more force than necessary, leaving Gabriel to dart in or be hit. 

“I’m sorry, Cassie. I’ll shut up about it. So what are you getting here, anyways?” 

“I need to see if they have boxes to pack my things in. If you’re going to move, you need boxes,” Cas said, not noticing the figure on the other side of the aisle perk up at his words. “I haven’t heard back yet, but I’d like to at least know. I’m not driving to California with my things in trash bags.”

Gabriel laughed in agreement as Cas wandered to the back of the store to speak with a manager. As he wandered around, waiting, a hand snatched his sleeve and dragged him into a hidden corner. “What the hell?! Dean? What the hell are you doing?”

“Shh! You tell me what the hell is going on. Cas is moving?!” Dean asked in a furious whisper. 

“Uhhh...can I just stay mum? I’d really rather not get caught up in a domestic squabble.”

“Gabriel, I swear to God-”

“Geez, dude, relax. Fine. But I get thirty minutes alone with Sammy next time I come over.”

“God, Gabriel, please do not defile my little brother,” Dean said with a pained expression. 

“No promises! But yeah, Cas is trying to get into Stanford.”

“But, why? He was all set to go to North, like me.”

Gabriel grunted. “Exactly. Like you, the guy he’s had a major crush on for half our lives, who turned him down but then went after an apparently bigger dick - I mean  _ fish _ . He’s hurt and he’s angry and I don’t blame him. And he’s also coming this way, so later. I’ll be by for that alone time with Sammy tomorrow!”

Dean’s grip on Gabriel’s sleeve fell away as Gabriel smoothly slid back out into view. The freckled man heard him call out to Cas and the two headed out the store. Dean watched them go from his hiding spot, feeling his heart contract at the thought of Cas leaving. 

He had to fix this. Somehow. This called for drastic measures. Time to call Charlie.

* * *

Two days later, Cas was cleaning the basement. He hadn’t been back down there since he’d run Dean off. Large cardboard box in hand, he trekked around the room and gathered up the bits and pieces he’d put out for Dean. He threw away the trash and wrappers they’d haphazardly discarded, straightened up the cushions and blankets. Finally done, he noticed the box that Dean had all but shoved at him the day he’d returned. 

Cas grabbed the box and sat down on the couch, slowly opening the flaps and carefully reaching inside. The first thing out of the box immediately brought tears to his eyes.

It was a stuffed bumblebee. Dean knew how much Cas loved bees, had picked on him for years about being more interested in them than the opposite sex. Dean hadn’t been aware of how right he was, but Cas had never disillusioned him. 

Next out of the box was a mixed CD of music Dean had discovered while he was gone, if the note on the front of the case meant anything. Cas set it aside to listen to later. He reached in again and pulled out an envelope of pictures. A note scrawled across the front read  _ Since you couldn’t be here, I wanted to share the sights with you! _

Inside, he found pictures of Dean’s uncle’s house, the car shop and the small brewery. The school where Dean had finished his education. Various people, whose names were always written on the back. There were pictures of local landmarks that Cas instantly fell in love with, amazed that Dean had known exactly what Cas would want to see. 

By the last picture, one of Dean by himself and leaning against that black monstrosity he called a car, Cas was forcing back more tears. How Dean could know so many things about Cas, deep and personal things, but deny that they had a profound bond between them that surpassed friendship was beyond Cas. 

As the blue-eyed young man sat there and tried to wipe the tears away from his face, a soft knock sounded on the doorframe leading into the room. Cas whirled around and there he was - framed by the hall light and looking like an avenging angel, Dean was beautiful. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” Dean asked softly, a tone of hurt coloring his voice.

Cas swallowed tightly and turned back to put the gifts back into their box. “I didn’t think you would care. You’ve had plenty of male company, didn’t think you’d miss mine.”

The jab about Benny landed mercilessly, causing Dean to wince. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’ve just...been trying to figure a lot of stuff out lately, and Benny was trying to help. We’ve never done anything, past him trying to kiss me one night. I freaked out and shoved him off me, went home. You wanna know why I freaked out mostly? Not because he was a dude, but because I immediately felt guilty, felt like I was betraying you.”

Dean looked up as if in search of divine help. A guttural laugh escaped his throat. “I’ve been so fucking confused, Cas. You’ve always been my best friend, but suddenly I was feeling like there was so much more than that. I kept having dreams about you, waking up with my dick harder than it’d ever been in my life. The reason Lisa and I only had sex once? I kept- Fuck. I kept imagining she was you. I’m a horrible person. I closed my eyes and kept picturing your face, just so I could get off. I think she knew it, too. She kept accusing me of being in love with someone else.”

Dean’s vibrant green eyes sought Castiel’s blue ones, held them with a look of distress as he whispered his next confession:

“I think I may be, too.”

While many others would have taken Dean’s words as the final nail in the coffin, as a rejection and insult rolled into one, Cas had listened closely to his words, knew what Dean was trying to say without saying it aloud. 

When Dean’s whispered words reached Cas’ ears, his blue eyes widened minutely before he was across the room, his lips crashing into Dean’s with more enthusiasm than finesse.

Dean didn’t seem to care. One arms wrapped around Cas’ waist, pulling him in closer, while the other gently cupped the side of his face, holding him there so that Dean could explore the lips that he’d been fantasizing about for so long. With a half moan, Dean ground his hips into Cas’, wishing that he hadn’t been so stupid, that they could have been doing this the whole time he’d been home. 

Finally needing to breathe, they pulled away and panted, staring into each other’s eyes. Cas’ expression became earnest, much like that first night. “Dean, I need to say this. I’ve wanted this for so long that I think I may be dreaming, but I want to say this in case I’m not. I love you. So much. I’ve loved you for so long that I can’t remember  _ not _ loving you. Please tell me this isn’t a dream,” he begged.

“Baby, if it is, it’s the best damn dream I’ve ever had. I love you, too, Cas. I think I always have, it just never really occurred to me until it was almost too late. Thank God I have friends who are more stubborn than I am and can help me see the truth.”

Cas grinned. “Who was it? I need to send them a gift basket.”

Dean laughed. “Believe me, she’s been thanked profusely.”

“Dean Winchester, was that a vocabulary word? Have you been going to the library?”

Cas let out a totally manly shriek as Dean pinched his ass, their laughter driving out the few demons that lingered in the space. As he ran away from Dean and looked back to see that beautiful, freckled face grinning back at him, Cas knew.

Everything would be okay. No, that wasn’t right.

It would be perfect. 


End file.
